Less and Less
by easyHarlequin
Summary: "Toris was just a family housekeeper under temporary new management. He never expected this." AU, this isn't a historic fic but it's implied that they're countries! Human names used. AmeLiet.
1. Chapter 1

**this just started out because i wanted to practice writing kisses.**  
**it's just practice so i'm not really looking for criticism? i just wanted to do something. **

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Toris and Alfred had spent what felt like an eternity staring at each other. At first they had started off with fleeting glances and skirting around each other - Toris simply did his work and then went out or to his section of the house (which was a lot better than the living space he had been given at Ivan's house) and despite the fact Alfred had already offered Toris his bed. Slowly but surely he grew accustomed to having coffee with Alfred and even sitting across the table from him when he was doing paperwork and sometimes Toris did his own paperwork and maybe, maybe they did it to keep each other company, or_ maybe_ they did it so they could exchange those little glances that had now become a routine.

At first there was no talking. Toris just did what he had normally done for Ivan. The same amount of fear, and the same amount of hard work - until Alfred convinced him that he didn't really need any of those. He was there because Alfred didn't have time and Toris did. That was it. A big house and nobody to do anything for it. That was all. Just an empty house. No monsters lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce on an unsuspecting housekeeper - just an empty, rusty house. That was when the words first started to come out - hoarse, whispery, and uncertain, but they were there, and more often than not; Alfred heard them.

Soon he grew to trust the other completely.

They often sat on the same couch; Toris with his legs tucked under him and Alfred spread-eagled with his head in the other's lap- more than half asleep and mumbling dazed things. They often sat with each other when there was nothing to say, but maybe one of them was reading or writing and they were just amazing at keeping each other company. Toris often came home to the groceries thrown sloppily into cupboards and places in the fridge Alfred thought they belonged - and often times he wasn't far from correct.

Alfred could be mean when he wanted to, and he often was. But he had an underlying hero-complex that made him want to help people. He was always as nice as he could be with Toris and anyone else staying at his house. Even when he had a headache, as he often did now.

After the staring came the 'thank you's. Whether they were just for dinner or for answering the phone in the middle of the night when Alfred hadn't heard it - they had started out tiny; a soft clap on the back and grateful words. Then they escalated into soft hugs coupled with words Toris couldn't quite make out - but he reveled in the feeling of being gripped in a pair of arms and being pressed against a body that had no intent of hurting him. And then that had slowly escalated into Alfred bumping his forehead against Toris's.

That was how they stood now.

Toris had just put the last of the dishes away and he had turned around only to be confronted by a rather tall, somber looking blonde. He stood in front of him, unmoving as the other touched their foreheads and pursed his lips; looking worried. Toris chuckled a little, placing his hands onto the other's biceps to steady their swaying. It was late and Toris had planned on getting ready for bed - he had been wearing a heavy apron all day and he was ready to hang it up.

"Alfred?"

"Mn?"

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry I'm just curi-"

Lips pressed fleetingly against Toris's, chapped and dry so they stuck as Alfred pulled away. But before he could get more than an inch apart, Toris's fingers had grabbed the fabric of the other's shirt and brought him back down. Toris kept his grip on the other as their lips met again, teeth meeting briefly before their mouths fell into place - Toris's bottom lip between Alfred's.

He could feel his ears getting red, and the initial sound of their lips coming together and pulling apart made his face grow hot. Toris's heart nearly shattered at the nervousness he felt when he found that this whole time he had been stepping backwards and the small of his back met with the counter. Nervousness from the old feeling of being trapped, and the uncertainty of where this was going. When they stopped moving, Alfred's nose bumped against the Toris's and he drew back and laughed a little. Alfred's blue eyes were half-lidded still and he bit at his lip.

"I'm not making you uncomfortable am I?"

"No. No, I'm just- I'm not used to- What I'm trying to say is that it's been a while since I've felt this way. You're fine. It's just different. Good different." his voice shook softly because Alfred was so close, still, his breath warm and comforting on his chin and neck. Alfred's hands were hovering over his hips, unsure if they should grab them or not; since Toris had long abandoned his grip on the other's shirt.

Toris grabbed Alfred's hands and pressed them to his hips, then he brought his arms up to wrap loosely around the other's neck. He almost had to stand on his tip-toes to be face-to-face. He was almost jealous of how steady Alfred's heartbeat was in comparison to his own. They kissed again; this time slow and open. Toris's tongue flicked against Alfred's teeth.

That was when Alfred's hands went around and down to pull the brunette's thighs up and around his own waist. He took another step forward and lifted Toris up onto the counter. Toris let out a suppressed whine when Alfred bit gently on his lower lip. Alfred continued to kiss him open-mouthed on the corner of his lips while rubbing a small circle just above his hip with the pad of his thumb. Toris arched his back and let out a few whimpers in response before he broke away, panting. He looked off to the side while Alfred followed his glance.

"I guess this is a little much for right now?"

"Just a little."

"Sorry."

"Thanks for being concerned, but you can stop apologizing. It's just late, and I'm tired. I'm sure you are, too." Toris admitted, holding the other in place as his arms were still secured around his neck. He smiled.

"Haha, yeah, you're actually right about that."

Another chaste kiss, and Alfred made to pull away again - but he was still drawn forward. So it turned into kiss after kiss after kiss. Each one was returned; soon it seemed like neither of them could get enough of the feel of the other's skin. Toris's shirt was hiked up in the back as the other's hands mapped out the expanse of his brutally scarred shoulder blades and the movements of the muscles as he shifted on the counter against the touches he felt. Alfred's fingers on his scars frightened him, but Alfred didn't say anything about them.

They weren't too talented at the whole 'we-should-stop-we-might-let-this-escalate-if we-don't' thing.

But it was simply too hard to stop when they were locked together like this - sharing warmth and life and _breath. _The rolling of muscles under skin and clothing as they tried to get closer but couldn't.

A small thing clicked inside Toris's head and he reeled back, his arms and legs disentangling themselves - he stared at Alfred as if he were an oncoming truck and Toris was the deer caught in the headlights. Alfred looked just as scared in that moment, and confused. His eyes asked a million rapid-fire questions, but Toris was at a loss of words.

"Oh... no, what are we doing? No. I have to..." Toris pressed his hands to his eyes and shook his head. He only had a few more months left at the house before he had to return to Ivan. This wouldn't go over well. There would be hurt feelings and sad goodbyes and Toris didn't _want that. _

"I thought that maybe..." Alfred trailed off as he stepped away and leaned against the opposite side of the counter, his eyes were downcast. Perhaps with shame, perhaps with disappointment. Toris couldn't tell.

Toris got down from the counter and shuffled out of the kitchen. He felt a wave of guilt wrack his body, and he had to hold himself together as he walked down the hallway. The back of his eyes burned, but the tears never came. Not when he undressed and showered, not when he changed, and not when he buried himself in the depths of his sheets and pillows.

Not even when his dreams were haunted by the man Alfred had offered protection from. The tears would just not come.


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: **writer's block is terrible and i hate it. so please forgive this! i just got back from seeing The Perks of Being A Wallflower and i'm really inspired to write something about high school and this story doesn't fit but i needed to update, so.

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It was hard stirring into consciousness when he had previously been submerged in a dreamless sleep. Toris's room was filled with light streaming through the windows - he groaned and buried his face back into the pillows. A few minutes later his brain flooded with frenzy as he realized that if the sun was up then he was late; he threw the covers off of himself and practically fell out of bed. With his stiff legs he limped down the hall and into the bathroom that he and Alfred shared.

There were always several 'constants' around Alfred's house. Every morning he left his glasses by the sink, and on the days he had time to shower he would fold the towel and leave it by the sink. But now none of that was there. All of the towels were still neatly hung up, and Toris grabbed one as he closed the door and started to undress. Alfred's glasses weren't abandoned by the faucet like they usually were, and to Toris this seemed unsettling.

He tried not to think about yesterday as the hot water cascaded down his back. His fingers combed too roughly through his hair as he finally gave up and started to cry. Toris could feel the water trickling in between and sliding over the tough skin on his back and that made him choke out an audible sob. _What am I doing? _He whispered to himself. It felt like there was a crack in his chest, and the pulsing flesh beneath it stung horribly, and it only got worse as it felt like it spread up his neck and over his skull. It hurt. At times like this he was convinced that it would always hurt, and even if it didn't - it would always _ache._

He was still crying as he finished washing his hair, and he cried as he scrubbed the sleep off of his skin far more roughly than what was necessary. He felt rubbed completely raw by the time he was done, and his chest was sore from crying. He shut off the water and stood there as it dripped off of him; he covered his face with his hands._ What were you doing, little myshonok?_

The thought had a voice of its own, and it sent fear racing to his core. The thought of Ivan questioning him, or even worse, punishing him - made him want to scream. He got out and toweled his hair dry, and then the rest of his body. Toris wrapped the towel around his waist, grabbed his clothes, and opened the door out into the hallway - where the air was much colder and chilled his skin.

When he got to his room he closed the door and locked it. He dug through his dresser for fresh clothes and put them on as fast as he could; all the while his bones felt like ice, and every time he blinked his eyelids played back the previous night's events. Alfred's soft lips on his own chapped ones. The way his hands pulled his hips forward and closer. How soft and pleased his eyes looked whenever Toris let out a gasp. It was hard to snap out of; but he had to.

He slipped his apron over his head and tightened it around his waist.

The clock above the bed told him that it was 9:46 and that in itself was enough to fill him with fear and adrenaline. If he had been at Ivan's house that would have been enough to cause a breakdown right then and there - and Eduard would have been ready to take his place. Toris had to remind himself that this was only Alfred, and yesterday they had had some form of misunderstanding and that it would be okay. Everything was going to be okay. This would be a normal week just like every week before it.

He felt internally fragile as he stepped out into the kitchen and found that there was no one there. The imaginary barriers in front of his eyes that were holding back tears felt weakened, and he was sure that the moment Alfred walked in he would shatter into a million pieces like a cracked mirror that was waiting for that one stray pebble to send it crumbling.

Eventually a developed routine washed down over him and he began making scrambled eggs and toast. He made a cup of coffee and set it on Alfred's side of the table. The smells hit his noise and made his stomach feel weak with hunger; so he made a similar breakfast for himself. Toris set the table with silverware and sat down in his own chair, quietly waiting for Alfred to finish getting ready. It was going to be a late day for the both of them.

Alfred stumbled into the kitchen wearing a formal shirt and pants that he had made an attempt to put on properly; but he had probably been half-asleep during the process. He slid into the chair across from the brunette and began to shovel his breakfast into his mouth rhythmically. He started on his coffee just as Toris lifted his fork to take his first bite. For the first time that morning, Toris felt oddly at ease.

"What time do you think we'll have to leave?" Alfred asked this almost out of nowhere. Toris paused, bewildered.

_Oh right. The conference. _"I'm not sure. Noon, probably."

"Hey, Toris."

"Hm?"

"Are you all right?" _Oh no_, Toris could feel the tears start well up behind his eyes. They stung and it hurt to even look at Alfred.

"I'm fine." he choked out.

"Are you sure?"

And then, all of a sudden, he _wasn't_ fine. He wasn't fine, _again. _His lungs felt like they were filled with lead and his cheeks grew hot and the tears were practically pouring down his cheeks and he sat there for a minute; unaware of what he was thinking or feeling and he only knew that he was _reacting._ He and Alfred stood up at almost the same time, their chairs sliding loudly on the wooden floor.

Fight or flight had never been kind to Toris, and this was no exception. Strong arms wrapped around his waist and held him still as he tried to walk away, away and out - towards the front door. Toris was hyperventilating and he could feel his airways restrict. He hated acting this pathetic. He was a strong person, but placed in this particular situation he cracked under pressure. Eventually he stopped trying to run away and realized that Alfred was talking to him.

"I'm sorry, Toris. Please try to breathe. It's all okay and I'm sorry." Toris choked back another sob before he let most of his weight fall back to Alfred's chest. The blonde was breathing slowly and Toris desperately tried to match it. Alfred just held him in place, kept him steady, and place his chin on his shoulder. It felt like Alfred was curling around him. He grabbed on to Alfred's wrists and simply felt them underneath his fingers, and for some reason this soothed him, _rooted_ him back to reality. His rasping breaths grew softer as Alfred's hands found their way to his chest and pressed him closer, "Breathe like I do." he had whispered.

At first it was difficult; because the rapid rise and fall of his chest didn't even come close to the slow in-through-the-nose and out-through-the-mouth thing that Alfred was doing. Toris swallowed back one of his sobs and sucked in air through his nose and forced it out of his mouth; it hurt. He did it again, and again, and one more time until he could finally _actually_ breathe.

Toris pursed his lips as Alfred's lips met the line of his jaw for a brief second.

"Thank you, Alfred."

"I'm really sorry." His voice was soft and assuring and sincere.

"You didn't do anything, I was being stupid."

"I provoked it."

"I'm not going to let you blame yourself," Toris turned around to face Alfred. He probably looked meek to the other. But he didn't care. A bunch of thoughts were nagging him and he and Alfred were just _standing_; much too close, and not the way a housekeeper and house-owner should be standing. So he started babbling about mindless things.

"You need to pick out a tie, and you need to find a tuxedo jacket that isn't too big for you, and we need to get there on time otherwise Francis won't leave us alone about it, and-"

"Is it all right if I kiss you?"

A weak smile graced Toris's lips and he stood on his toes to lean forward. Alfred's hand caressed his neck and the other pulled his body closer and he felt himself start to melt. They moved in a pull and push rhythm, and it felt good, and right, and soothing. Toris really couldn't stand it. He knew what he was getting himself into; and he decided that right after this - they would be done. They wouldn't talk about it. Toris's eyes closed even though Alfred's remained half-lidded. And for a while, it was great.

Great until Toris pulled away and left without saying a word; just hands lingering and a small, apologetic look. Great until Alfred needed Toris to fix his tie, and straighten his jacket, and great until they got out of the taxi and walked up to the door of the conference building with their manila folders in hand. They didn't speak, and they didn't touch, and if Toris was going to be honest with himself; it was so much worse than he had imagined it.


End file.
